Thorsbrooke, who has previously penned four sagas about a gifted but fundamentally misunderstood novelist with an uncanny ability to attract beautiful women, is hoping that his latest work entitled Dangerous Contractions will skyrocket him to the fame and success he feels he so desperately deserves, or at least out of his mother’s basement.

Shop your latex heart out…

Because the numbers don’t lie…

It came to the Unshow’s attention recently that when the title of our show is searched, it lists us at No.2.  It seems that there is a radio show by the same name, also claiming to not be a show.  We want to assure you, the fans, that this must be a glitch in the Google matrix – we are and will always be far less of a show than any other show out there.  We’re not even going to pretend that their show is a great show as well, that’s how unprofessional we are.

There have been complaints about the website.  Namely, that clips from the classic Unshow are not yet available.  This is despite the claim on the page that they will be “coming soon”.  I don’t know what to tell you.  If you were so fooled by a coming soon claim on a website then let me break it down for you like this: that just means that they were too lazy to put it up the first time.  Coming soon actually translates to: when someone prods me in the head with a sharp stick I will do something about it.  Well, prod you have, loyal Unshow fans.  As a result, I am changing the status of the page from coming soon to OK, fine! I’ll put them up now.  There is no distraction too great to keep us from delivering you the gold from our vaults.  Except maybe that keyboard cat.  It’s a cat!  Playing the keyboard!!!  Don’t even get us started on that piano hamster.

Until next time, Keith and Dave wish you all the best and stay safe during the Holiday season (just in case the next update is a while).

With the financial crisis looming, one Unshow host remains blissfully unaware of his impending doom. As the pair contemplate going Balls Deep, visit the Creation Museum and get some poetic help from Byron and financial advice from Don Donson, they still manage to continue not making this a show.

Since taking a new position at work, I’ve found that I have less and less time for my family.  I can see that it’s starting to take it’s toll on both my husband and my children, who tell me that they miss my old job.  I want to spend more time with them, but I have a great opportunity with this new position.

Workaholic in Worchester

Dear Workaholic,

Before I got covered in oil, I was a hard worker too.  I would toil away, catching fish, escaping the jaws of sharks.  Life sucked.  But honestly, the oil was the best thing that ever happened to me.  Not only did I get to take a break from the daily struggle of existence, but I got OVER 900 FACEBOOK FRIENDS!!!  No shit.  There’s even buzz of a movie deal in the pipes.  Finally, I get recognition for the star that I am.  Sometimes you just have to say “fuck it”.  Don’t listen to the haters because they’ll always be telling you to do this or that.  I say, get oiled up and let the magic happen baby!

Dear Oil-Covered Sea Otter,

I’ve recently grown suspicious of my girfriend of two years.  She’s always going out with ‘friends’ and coming home at all hours of the night.  Not only that, but her phone keeps ringing at odd hours.  Do I let it go, or do I ask her about it?

Suspicious in Springfield.

Dude, you totally need to dump that ho!~  Look at me, broke, covered in oil, washed up on some beach in Santa Cruz.  Yet am I gonna take that shit from my bitch.  Fuck that bro!  I’m a star.  As soon as people laid eyes on my slick fur they were lining up for a taste.  You have to respect yourself first man.  Sure, I could’ve died from oil poisoning.  But now I’m swimming in it.  Literally dude!  You tell that girl of yours that you demand respect or else your furry ass is out of there.  Peace!

Dear Oil-Covered Sea Otter,

The current financial crisis has finally reached our town and we are struggling.  It’s a real struggle to pay off the house and the bills, not to mention put a decent meal on the table for our three boys.  By the end of the month, there isn’t even a penny spare to save.  I’m worried about the future and have started smoking meth to get by.  I know I’m a bad parent, but it’s the only thing that helps right now.

High in Hicksville

Dear High,

I’ll admit, when I got my first hit of oil it was a nice rush.  My life is all about salt water and fish, so you can imagine it felt pretty damn smooth to get some raw chemicals in me.  But seriously dude, are you really goin’ down that path.  If you are, then you gotta budget that shit right.  You can’t be poppin off to your dealer if it breaks the budget, you know what I mean.  Not only that, the oil was raw and had me feeling right sore, like I’m sure the meth does for you.  You gotta get some celeb status bro, get hooked up to the white shit.  All the rumors are true man, the drugs in rehab ARE THE REASON FOR GOING TO REHAB, you feel?  Make the stacks, sling that shit if you have to, but upgrade yo source.  Otter out!

The Unshow: International.  Episode 1.
The Unshow returns for its third season premiere the Unshow International. David and Keith are back on the air broadcasting this season from separate countries. Features include “David Loves Dexter,” “Poems from the Backpack,” SPD GVNR,” Financial Advice with Don Donson,” and David’s special comment on a giant phallus.